My Husband is Cheating On Me

Yes it is true, but not totally unexpected.  I have found that Chris has been cheating on me! Maybe it wouldn’t have been such a shock if it was with some gorgeous, slim, young blond thing but I regret to inform you that it was actually with something sticky, fattening and bad for his teeth.

Exhibit One- hidden in his top draw!

I won’t be contacting my lawyer just yet but I will certainly be keeping a very close eye on him. Maybe I should hire one of those private investigators with hidden microphones and telegraphic lenses to spy on him. They say that some of the signs to look out for if a partner is cheating on you is new underwear, leaving the room to take phone calls or late nights at work. Can’t say I have observed any of these but I have smelt chocolate on his breath and today when I was putting away some of his washed and folded  (but not new or sexy) underwear I spied a cacophony of deception tucked at the back of the draw. My investigations then drew me to his parked car as I know he often used this space to hide his addictions. Sure enough in the glove box and on the floor I found exhibit two and three.

Exhibit Two- Jet plane lollies in the glove box of his car!

What to do? He did promise me that he could curb his addictions to fully embrace our experiment of living off the land. I dutifully spent two days stewing up our home grown plums and making natural fruit leathers. I hoped that this would help his sweet tooth. The kids certainly like them and I have to admit I find myself chewing on fruit leather most afternoons at around 3pm when energy levels are low and the need for a sugar fix is high.

Exhibit Three- an ice cream cone wrapper

Should I shame and blame him, should I turn a blind eye? Surely it is a black mark on his perseverance and manhood if his four year old son can embrace the experiment better than he can." Its the lying I find so hurtful, will I ever be able to trust again" Come on Chris get with the programme!

 Perhaps as a community I can call on all our friends. If you see Chris entering a bakery, a cafe or a dairy to feed his addiction please remind him of his responsibilities at home. As a community I know we can help him